:::WORDS:::
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, I'd have all my money back
The most dangerous animal is not a lion or even a shark, but it is a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampeling and eating everything in its path
I hope that in the future, "Americans" will be thought upon as barbaric, this way a school can have their teams named the "Americans" and be badasses
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy
I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our "friend"
The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me"
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" - you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window